The bloke in the shop just wished me a happy new year.
I said "Only 364 days late you daft cunt!!"
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Dann wollen wir uns einmal den Haushaltstätigkeiten zuwenden:
She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walked in. She turned and said, "You've got to make love to me -this very moment." His eyes lit up and he thought, "This is my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all, right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove. More than a little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?" She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'. The priest asks, 'Is that you, Dicky?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' 'Well, Dicky, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Mary Walsh?' 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Brown?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Margaret Doyle?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Anne O' Neil?' 'My lips are sealed.' 'Was it Catherine 0' Toole, then?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.' The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped Dicky, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.' Dicky walks back to his pew, and his friend Tommyslides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' '4 Months holiday and five good leads!'
I Only Understand Railroad Station
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Me Goes A Light Open
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I Break Together
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It Knocks Me Out The Socks
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My English is under all pig!
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An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love.
However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm.
Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion. "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm." They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love.
It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. "Okay, " says the rabbi to the husband, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm. WOW! The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "You see, schmuck? THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"
I persuaded my wife to do a bit of role play last night, she'd be the hooker and I'd be the customer. It wasn't as good as I'd hoped, I had to wait 2 hours until she'd finished with her other clients.
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