::: English Lesson :::

[Aoife]

The bloke in the shop just wished me a happy new year.

I said "Only 364 days late you daft cunt!!"

[Ariane]

Pöse Pöse

[Aoife]

          

Pöse Pöse

Dann heute etwas harmloseres - und gerade noch rechtzeitig:

You've probably noticed today is all ones.. 1/1/11

or just to keep the bloody yanks from moaning; 1/1/11

[Aoife]

Dann wollen wir uns einmal den Haushaltstätigkeiten zuwenden:

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walked in. She turned and said, "You've got to make love to me -this very moment." His eyes lit up and he thought, "This is my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all, right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove. More than a little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?" She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

[Ariane]

thats good; sorry I missed out .......to read Angela Carter properly

[Aoife]

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'. The priest asks, 'Is that you, Dicky?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' 'Well, Dicky, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Mary Walsh?' 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Brown?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Margaret Doyle?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Anne O' Neil?' 'My lips are sealed.' 'Was it Catherine 0' Toole, then?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.' The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped Dicky, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.' Dicky walks back to his pew, and his friend Tommyslides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' '4 Months holiday and five good leads!'

[Marc of Frankfurt]

Rekursive Übersetzung hin und her bis zum Gleichgewicht:
http://www.translationParty.com/?lang=de

Wie www.translate.google.com funktioniert: statistische Übersetzung
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_GdSC1Z1Kzs

[Aoife]

more? -> http://damnyouautocorrect.com/category/best-of-dyac/

[Aoife]

Und hier für diejenigen, die ihr Sprachverständnis trainieren möchten:


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koY6kXhQDQo[/youtube]

[Aoife]

My neighbour came round last night screaming and knocking on my door at half 2 in the morning, can you believe it? :(

Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.....

[fraences]

Here a lesson: English for runaways

Try to translate:

My gostop is over meadow.

Tip: Translate word for word ,and you will understand the meaning.

[Aoife]

[Zwerg]

I Only Understand Railroad Station
.....
Me Goes A Light Open
.....
I Break Together
.....
It Knocks Me Out The Socks
.....
My English is under all pig!
......

:-)

[Zwerg]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1IYi6bFyjw[/youtube]

[Aoife]

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

[Aoife]

Honeymoon couple booking in.
Manager: Have you reservations?
Bride: Yea I'm worried he might give me one up the arsehole!

[Aoife]

Technique Is Everything:

An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love.

However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm.

Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion. "Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm." They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love.

It doesn't help and she is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi. "Okay, " says the rabbi to the husband, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them." Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm. WOW! The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, "You see, schmuck? THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"

[Aoife]

Paddy goes into Marks & Spencers to buy his wife a maternity bra.
The shop assistant says, "What bust, sir?"
Paddy replies, "The fucking condom!"

[Aoife]

The correct plural of ocelot is oceshitload. Ocefuckton is vulgar and should be avoided.

[Aoife]

I persuaded my wife to do a bit of role play last night, she'd be the hooker and I'd be the customer. It wasn't as good as I'd hoped, I had to wait 2 hours until she'd finished with her other clients.